in m.snowe’s university of awesome…

magical enlightenment, you dig?

If m.snowe could pick commencement speakers for her own make-believe establishment of higher learning, she would have quite a shortlist of candidates. And like this article, she would pick people that she feels are failures. But failures in her own arbitrary way of rating people–i.e. m.snowe says they suck (at life, at writing, etc.). Who better to bleat bombast at you for 20 minutes that you will inevitably forget right after the ceremony than people you despise anyways? (Full Disclosure: m.snowe is actually just doing this to list people, and maybe produce comments. She may or may not hate some on this list with the equal force of a star trek laser beam, but you just may never know the truth. Get used to disappointment).

Writers and others who suck and would therefore make good commencement speakers:

• Dan Brown
• Rachael Ray
• The writers of Grey’s Anatomy
• Nick Sparks
• Stephenie Meyer
• Malcolm Gladwell
• Jodi Picoult
• David Brooks
• Anthony Lane
• Philip Roth
• Dave Eggers
• Nora Roberts
• Rhonda Byrne
• Emily Giffin
• Ann Patchet
• Mitch Albom
• Ann Brashares
• Will Self
• Ian McEwan
• …Who else sucks?

Do you need someone who doesn’t really suck, and delivered an awesome commencement speech? Here.