Msnowe's Blog

in m.snowe’s university of awesome…

Posted in Uncategorized by m.snowe on May 20, 2009
magical enlightenment, you dig?

magical enlightenment, you dig?

If m.snowe could pick commencement speakers for her own make-believe establishment of higher learning, she would have quite a shortlist of candidates. And like this article, she would pick people that she feels are failures. But failures in her own arbitrary way of rating people–i.e. m.snowe says they suck (at life, at writing, etc.). Who better to bleat bombast at you for 20 minutes that you will inevitably forget right after the ceremony than people you despise anyways? (Full Disclosure: m.snowe is actually just doing this to list people, and maybe produce comments. She may or may not hate some on this list with the equal force of a star trek laser beam, but you just may never know the truth. Get used to disappointment).

Writers and others who suck and would therefore make good commencement speakers:

  • Dan Brown
  • Rachael Ray
  • The writers of Grey’s Anatomy
  • Nick Sparks
  • Stephenie Meyer
  • Malcolm Gladwell
  • Jodi Picoult
  • David Brooks
  • Anthony Lane
  • Philip Roth
  • Dave Eggers
  • Nora Roberts
  • Rhonda Byrne
  • Emily Giffin
  • Ann Patchet
  • Mitch Albom
  • Ann Brashares
  • Will Self
  • Ian McEwan
  • …Who else sucks?

Do you need someone who doesn’t really suck, and delivered an awesome commencement speech? Here.

2 Responses

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  1. Dr. Ballon said, on May 22, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    For the love of god YES to Dan Brown. Only person I’d take off of there is Philip Roth, but you must have your reasons for hating him. I’d add Orson Scott Card to the list, even though his speech would probably be pretty memorable (and hate-filled).

  2. msnowe said, on May 22, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    There’s no denying Roth has contributed much to the American canon, but his style of writing just doesn’t appeal. He’s a bit too egotistical, and a smidge too misogynist to me. At the very least, a writer has to stop being so conscious of his (or his character’s) virility for like, five seconds, to keep my attention.

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