Stalling

I always go for the stall nearest to the wall. It makes me feel better knowing that at least on one side there is only concrete and not another person doing their own business while I do mine. There are four stalls, so there are few things more annoying than someone coming in and occupying the one next to me  when the other three are all unoccupied.

Coworker always takes a stall in the middle, next to me. Coworker is also always in the bathroom when I am. Others have whispered that coworker is always in the bathroom when they are, too. This leads me to believe someone spends a large part of the workday in a restroom stall. The one in the middle, next to me. Thinking about it further, there seems to be no escape from a presence on one side of my wall–whether I’m in the cubicle churning out workplace refuse, or in the bathroom expelling the bodily kind.

If not for a few behavioral oddities, I would concern myself with coworker’s overall urinary tract health. But the oddities. They point more to eccentricity and less to functional, physical defect:

Coworker always wears trainers. With slacks. Coworker has many different pairs, in which to walk briskly towards the bathroom.

If I am already in the adjacent stall, this is how coworker proceeds. (Clearly, I am inferring the methods by the sounds that emit from the next stall).

Oddity #1:

• Coworker faces the wall and uses foot or hand to flush the toilet before sitting down. Every time. When this occurs, coworker does one of two things, depending on mood: 1. Coworker holds down the handle so the normal flush time is extended by at least 15 seconds. Or, 2.  Coworker pumps the handle, so that the flush recycles, and the initial swoosh of the mechanism is reengaged four or five times.

I have no idea why coworker does this. I cannot imagine that the toilet needs flushing every time upon entrance to the stall.

I apologize for those who think that women don’t pee; those who like to imagine women are immune to the regular kidney/bladder processes of the human species. But anyway, then coworker urinates. This is always a stop/start venture.

Oddity # 2–

• After every stop/start, coworker retrieves a wad of toilet paper from the dispenser (I can hear the rolling of the plastic dispenser and the scrunching of the two-ply from my stall). Similar to the extended flushing, coworker must being using about a third of the roll of toilet paper. The paper is rolled out and wadded at least twice, maybe three times.

Oddity #3–

• When done peeing, again with the extended flushing. Usually pumping the handle for repeated flushes. One time, upon entering the bathroom to wash my hands at the sink in the front of the bathroom, I could hear coworker’s trademark–the held-down-handle flush. Coworker emerged from the middle stall, yet the held-down sound of the toilet she just emerged from was still occurring. I kind of looked at her, smiled, and then turned my right ear towards the sound. Coworker saw this, and made a matter-of-fact comment about how that toilet “does that sometimes. You just have to ignore it.”

Indeed.

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