Msnowe's Blog

Latest Stats

Posted in Uncategorized by m.snowe on July 14, 2008

The latest statistics have come out from the United States Alliance of Police Department Precincts. To sum up, the occurrence of sexual assaults perpetrated by women, on men, has risen–which can be of no surprise to anyone, whether living in a major city or rural town. The reports of male rape committed by females, and inappropriate grabbing and assault has caused a national crises, with some men going so far as to wear their sports-intended protective devices while walking down the streets. As many of you may know (or may have experienced), women will often target lone men, walking drunk from the bars or perhaps distracted after a late night at work. Often, the men will run screaming, and searching for their minuscule cans of maze attached to the key chain ring on their belt buckles. All in vain–it is too late. Sometimes, the women will slip a little something in men’s drinks, and carefully wait until they pass out, and haul them home like clubbed baby seals. Obviously, this is more a practice of larger, stronger women. The Alliance suggests, as a precaution, that smaller men stay vigilant–especially if hit on by a taller or bigger woman, or if that chick at the gym with the biceps bats her eyes at you.
In terms of defensive maneuvers, here are some suggestions that the Alliance released in it’s official statement on the “war on man-assault”:

– Always consider clothing–if you dress like a man-whore, you are a man-whore.

– Women can and will jump you on the streets at any hour, despite the location–however, avoid lonely mall parking lots after a big sale, and around movie theaters after the late-night showing of the newest romantic-comedy.

– Always travel in groups–although this may increase the desire of women who are likely to assault, it will at least be advisable to adopt a “wildebeest mentality” and allow the weaker men to be picked off, while you stay safely in the middle of the pack

– If you do find yourself in an assault–make loud noises and aim to hit her in the spot where the sun don’t….wait…you may just have to keep hitting, seeing as everything’s internal.

– Always remember: it is not your fault. But you are the victim, and ultimately you will be held responsible for the greater part of reporting, reliving, and reciting the incident for the larger percentage of the time.

– People will feel sorry for you, and baby you, and tell you to move out of the neighborhood where the incident occurred. You might feel that the woman who assaulted you should leave, but you don’t even know what she looks like, so our advice is to forget about it and suffer in silence.

What is the Alliance doing to combat this horrible epidemic of social chaos?
Here’s their short list:
– anti-violence training workshops available for women (optional unless convicted of prior crimes)
– AA Programs (Assault Anonymous for females)
– regular and increased patrols around aforementioned congregation and incident areas
– male awareness campaigns, and self-defense classes
– workplace awareness programs ala sexual harassment model
– school-age workshops for young girls about respect for all bodies
and more…

This all seem a bit unrealistic? Good.
But, when can we live in a world where it also seems ludicrous for sexual assaults to be committed by males with female victims?
What gives one sex the rather dubious right to be expected to perpetrate such crimes? And for the other sex to just sit back and take it, or have little or no recourse when they don’t?

post script on the “The United States Alliance of Police Department Precincts”: M.Snowe made the organization up…

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