Msnowe's Blog

In Rare Cases

Posted in Uncategorized by m.snowe on November 23, 2010

This past week, it was big(ish) news that the Pope let down his guard on the absolute, across-the-board Catholic ban on contraception (but only in theory, and only if you’re a male prostitute):

In the book, Benedict said condoms were not “a real or moral solution” to the AIDS epidemic, adding, “that can really lie only in a humanization of sexuality.” But he also said that “there may be a basis in the case of some individuals, as perhaps when a male prostitute uses a condom, where this can be a first step in the direction of a moralization, a first assumption of responsibility.”

NYTimes

Well, this opened the floodgates. If the Pope can flip-flop, in rare instances at least, anyone can, right? An outpouring of hypothetical opinions, which seem counter to the strongly held beliefs of a plethora of powerful and outspoken leaders, businesspeople, and celebrities of both the past and present have been leaked by many different sources in order to jump on the wagon (or Pope Mobile, if you will) before the Pope’s window of acceptably divulging small concessions closes like a time vortex in an action/adventure movie.

The recently embattled Four Loko’s creators admitted this week, that in certain rare circumstances, say if you’re in your 7th month of pregnancy, Four Loko might not be the most healthy option, and although their studies were conclusive, the immediate premature labor that follows drinking a can is not necessarily a boon.

After forceful questioning and upon further reflection (and an Oscar), Al Gore admitted that perhaps in the rarest instances, his Truth wasn’t all that personally Inconvenient.

Historians who interviewed the leaders of the Global Medieval Society report that major headway is being made in their research and development committee–they have some very encouraging data on the theory that perhaps, just perhaps, the world is not flat, or even rectangular.

Gandhi devotees, upon visiting his final resting place last week, discovered that if you look at the bottom of Gandhi’s grave with a very strong magnifying glass, backwards and cross-eyed, it says, “Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil…But sometimes, in rare cases, you just need to slap a bitch.”

A lost recipe book recently recovered from of Julia Child’s archives contains a recipe for a rather bland, gluten-free, lactose-free dessert, and explains in her handwriting that sometimes, in the rarest cases, “the French and their food are just so fucking rich and flamboyant it’s disgusting.”

The Scarecrow, of The Wizard of Oz fame, said that if he really sat down and pondered it for a while, well, golly, maybe he does have some neurological function after all.

Fidel Castro, not wanting to miss out on the fun, reports that communism is great and all, but in some rare instances, after a good public march with comrades, he just wants a McDonald’s cheeseburger, but in the end can’t bring himself to bring himself to Guantanamo.

Snooki reports that sometimes, on rare instances, the best way to party is with a nice spot of tea, an afternoon of watching BBC America reruns, and sleeping with a Tolstoy novel. But only while tanning.

Meanwhile, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and Sarah Palin have nothing to report.

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One Response

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  1. misswells said, on November 23, 2010 at 9:53 am


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