Msnowe's Blog

Paradise Lost in My Little Pony Land

Posted in Uncategorized by m.snowe on January 6, 2010

(From the final scene of Book X of Milton’s Paradise Lost)

He ended, and they both descend the Hill;
Descended across Flutter Valley, ADAM to the Pony Land Bowre where EVE
Lay sleeping ran before, but found her wak’t, brushing  the crimson mane of Cherries Jubilee;
And thus with words not sad she him receav’d.

Whence thou returnst, & whither wentst with Fizzy and Whizzer, I know;
For God is also in sleep, and Dreams advise,
Which he hath sent propitious, some great good
Presaging, since with sorrow and hearts distress
Wearied I fell asleep in Dream Castle: but now lead on;
In mee is no delay; with thee to goe,
Is to stay here; without thee here to stay,
Is to go hence unwilling and be eaten by the Smooze released by evil Hydia; thou to mee
Art all things under Heav’n, all places thou,
Who for my wilful crime art banisht hence to this land of magical ponies most strange.
This further consolation yet secure
I carry hence; though all by mee is lost,
Such favour I unworthie am voutsaft,
By mee the Promis’d Seed shall all restore, or we shall Call Upon the Sea Ponies, as the immortal Meghan and Applejack, who went before us in their heavenly quest. Shoop-bee-doo-shoop-shoop-bee-doo!

So spake our Mother EVE, and ADAM heard
Well pleas’d, but answer’d not; for now too nigh amongst the neighing noises
Th’ Archangel stood, and from the other Hill near the My Little Pony Paradise Estate
To thir fixt Station and stalls, all in bright array of pink and dappled hues
The Cherubim descended; on the ground
Gliding meteorous on their pegasus ponies, as Ev’ning Mist
Ris’n from a River o’re the marish glides,
And gathers ground fast at the Labourers heel
Homeward returning. High in Front advanc’t,
The brandisht Sword of God before them blaz’d
Fierce as a Comet; which with torrid heat hotter than the Volcano of Doom,
And vapour as the LIBYAN Air adust,
Began to parch that temperate Clime; whereat
In either hand the hastning Angel caught
Our lingring Parents astride with Baby Lickety-Split, and to th’ Eastern Gate of Ponyville
Let them direct, and down the Cliff as fast
To the subjected Plaine they cantered; then disappeer’d.
They looking back, all th’ Eastern side beheld
Of Paradise, so late thir happie seat,
Wav’d over by that flaming Brand, the Gate
With dreadful Faces throng’d and fierie Armes and the minions of the Grundle King (voiced by Danny DeVito):
Som natural tears they drop’d, but wip’d them soon;
The World of Pony Land was all before them, where to choose
Thir place of rest, and Providence thir guide, along with Honey-Suckle and Baby Tiddly-Winks:
They hand in hand, and horseshoe and horseshoe with wandring steps and slow,
Through EDEN towards Pony Land took thir solitarie way.


(m.snowe’s favorite episode, for further background reading. Video Here in all its gloriousness)

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4 Responses

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  1. Kari said, on January 6, 2010 at 3:34 am

    Holy god. You did it! This is truly fantastic. Now get working on Robinson Crusoe and LoLCats, please and thanks. x

  2. fictionadvocate said, on January 6, 2010 at 3:43 am

    Awe. Some.

    For some reason I’m finding it hard to comprehend how John Milton and Danny DeVito exist in the same universe, much less the same poem.

  3. fictionadvocate said, on January 6, 2010 at 4:42 am

    So, Robinson Crusoe gets shipwrecked on the island of lolcats? Or his buddy Friday turns out to be an adorably hilarious lolcat?

  4. m.snowe said, on January 6, 2010 at 6:32 am

    Crusoe uses the kitteh’s hairballs to weave sails for his makeshift sea craft in order to escape the island. It takes him 28 years, however, because the lolcats are so flippin’ playful and cute he takes many, many breaks while weaving in order to frolic with them on the beach and stare into their overly large, rounded eyes.

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