Msnowe's Blog

How you wanna be endin’ somethin’?

Posted in Uncategorized by m.snowe on July 9, 2009
Dance for me now I'm deeead!

Dance for me now I'm deeead!

So inevitably, dear readers, you’ve been bombarded with news story after news story re: the Michael Jackson Memorial. Instead of ya’ll thinking m.snowe has been invoking some grotesque show of poetic silence by not writing about this public outpouring of gratuitous grief, m.snowe will clearly state she thinks while he was an exceptional cultural icon and breakthrough artist, all this fuss is a bit ridiculous. But let’s make it into something ridiculous and enjoyable then, shall we?

So the cold and emaciated corpse of Michael got these people to show up and/or contribute:

  • Kobe Bryant
  • Wesley Snipes
  • Spike Lee
  • Smokey Robinson
  • Nelson Mandela (wrote an address, didn’t attend)
  • Diana Ross
  • Queen Latifa
  • Maya Angelou (sent a [bland] poem for the occasion)
  • Mariah Carey

m.snowe’s statement and question to her noble readers is thus: You’re all clearly awesome and worthy of a star-studded affair once you kick the proverbial bucket–so who would you want singing, addressing, poeticizing, etc., for you?

m.snowe won’t tell you all of her own picks yet, but let’s just say Derek Jeter will start by hitting a 50-home run salute, followed by a poetic reading of Rod Stewart’s “Have I Told You Lately” by Dominic West, followed by a dramatic interpretation of m.snowe’s life performed by Maggie Gyllenhaal.

2 Responses

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  1. fictionadvocate said, on July 9, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    Andre 3000 and the London Philharmonic (riding Segways) lead a procession of people into Yosemite Valley for the ceremony.

    Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz co-deliver a speech about how much I meant to them, and through the tears they start making out. (This is exactly what I imagine happens in the movie Bandidas.)

    The Modern Library unveils a 10-volume biography of me, printed on thin sheets of indestructible metal, and it costs $200,000.

    Mark Twain rises from the dead and spins a yarn about the time I wrestled a blue whale and accidentally created the League of Nations.

    Finally, natural geysers erupt from the ground and launch everybody a mile into the air, where they all feel the spray of water on their butts and laugh for days.

  2. msnowe said, on July 9, 2009 at 8:38 pm

    If any of these things actually have a fraction of a percent of a chance of happening upon your expiry, I’ll kill you.

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